So my fiancee was transferred five hours away, today. I had a meltdown when I found out he was “in transit”. I don’t know this new place. Prisons are what we see on TV. Gangs, weapons, fights, killings, and a million horrible other things. He has been in the intake process for the past month. We got used to the time schedule for calls that we got to talk to daddy. We couldn’t see him in person or video calls. Nothing. Going from everyone to seeing the person you will spend the rest of your life with, to nothing, is extremely hard. At this new place, we have a scheduled video call for tomorrow at 6 p.m. and we are able to message each other. I need to see him. He told me about the gangs he has seen his first several hours there. It is scary, but not like we see on T.V. I told him no bullshit. Don’t sugarcoat anything. He is an amazing guy with a good head on his shoulders. I am going to go to my first prison support group the first Saturday of next month. It is held monthly. I am also going next week to a meeting for family members of the inmates. I am apart of a group online on Facebook that know what I am going through and I really need to see that other people know how I feel.


Can’t sleep

I am laying here in bed listening to my son snore rigt next to me. It must be so nice being able to fall asleep and actually stay asleep. So much consumes my mind all the time. My fiancé just found out he meets with a counselor there at the prison to see where he will be transferred to. He’s finishing up the intake process. He could be about 30 min away or over 6 hours away. That is so far. Especially with a 3 year old. We will make it work if it comes down to that. The unknown is just really hard for me. We’ve been living a life of uncertainty for over a year and it continues, still. I just want my family to be together again. I can’t wait until I can hold my fiancé again and kiss him.